Birthday Bombshell
by romanticidiot
Summary: Slash.SiriusRemus.One shot. It's Sirius' birthday but he's depressed. Going off to sit by himself means he is inevitably followed by Remus who has some words of advice, an important present and a few choice words ...


**WARNING:** Mmmmm, slashyness!

**DISCLAIMER: **Yet another one of these things. Nobody is mine, and I have never claimed they were mine. Okay, next time I do this I'm coming up with a standard one I can just copy and paste because these aren't fun anymore.

**Birthday Bombshell**

**By**

**LizzY Tears**

**0000**

Sirius hated his birthday for one reason and one reason only. It was the day he had met his family. He didn't see the point in every year remembering the day he began on his downward spiral of pain and anguish. He hated his birthday more than the witches he knew who sighed dramatically whenever it was nearing theirs because they were a year older, he hated his birthday more than he hated anything else except his family itself.

If he could just eradicate his family, he thought he would be okay with celebrating the fact that each birthday was bringing him closer to being Old Enough (for what nobody knew, but everyone knew they were waiting to be Old Enough for whatever it was).

As it stood, however, he couldn't escape his family because every year they sent him a list of things he had done wrong that year and why they hated him. He had stopped reading them some time after his thirteenth birthday when Remus threw the long parchment into the fire and he realised he was giving into them. But still, it hurt to think that there was _so much_ wrong with him that he filled a parchment _that long every year. _

So to summarise, Sirius did not like his birthday and the fact that it was nearing his Seventeenth made him very, very depressed indeed.

He knew his friends would buy him awesome presents that if he didn't hate birthdays so much, he would enjoy immensely. He knew that Gryffindor house would probably throw him a party because that's what Gryffindor house did for the people they loved the most, and Sirius knew he was definitely one of them. And of course Gryffindor found every excuse for a party. He knew he would be woken early by James pulling him out of bed and screaming "Happy birthday, Padfoot, you old fart!" and he could plan the whole day in his head.

Every male member of Gryffindor would clap him on the back and tell him he was a real bull's eye while every female member would slip her arm around him (the only time they could all do it in good conscience) and whisper special words of congratulations that they honestly thought they were the only ones to say.

Then there would probably be an honorary toast from the Headmaster who somehow managed to know when every student's birthday fell, and the whole school excluding the Slytherins would clap him and sing happy birthday.

The whole day would be full of congratulations and being in the spotlight. Which Sirius didn't mind, of course, but he wished it was for something he had done rather than something that happened whether he wanted it to or not. Especially seeing as he _didn't_ want it to happen and would give anything for it _not_ to happen.

So that was why he was moody and depressive for a month leading up to that dreaded day when he finally turned Seventeen – an occasion that he knew from James' turning should be a cause for celebration and a major prank to mark the event forever. But he really couldn't be bothered and really didn't feel inclined to celebrate something so abhorrent to him just because people were expecting it.

So instead he got through the day with his usual smile and sense of humour and then disappeared from the common room in the middle of the Gryffindor party with the excuse he was going for more Butterbeer. Nobody by this time cared enough to realise there was an entire table devoted to full Butterbeer bottles and simply farewelled Sirius with a drunken grin (from the men) and a promise to save him a dance (from the women).

So it was that Sirius Black, recently turned Seventeen years old, was wandering aimlessly around the corridors of Hogwarts wishing he was still Sixteen and not thinking about his family. But he had that wretched piece of unread parchment hidden in his robes and he could feel it burning a hole in his pocket like a Howler. Finding himself standing on the top of the steps to the Divination room in the pitch black, he sat down on the topmost step and pulled it out of his pocket.

He examined it carefully, his wand held aloft and shining brightly to illuminate the Black family crest and felt the familiar wave of fury and hurt wash over him as his eyes travelled over the shaped wax. He let his fingers drift over the raised crest and remembered sadly the feel of the ring on his finger when he had still been young enough to be accepted and had formed no rebellious opinions, and had been allowed to wear his father's insignia for just a moment.

He stared down at the offensive letter for a moment longer before he viciously ripped it open, tossing away the poignant memories with a flip of the hand. Instantly he was confronted with his mother's small, neat writing in black ink stretching downwards across the page, listing every one of his faults.

You are messy 

_You are a disgrace_

_You associate with Mudbloods_

_You are in Gryffindor_

_You support that Mugglelover Dumbledore_

He could almost _hear_ his mother's high pitched wail screaming at him as though she was standing right in front of him yelling the thoughts at him. They swirled around him in an imaginary cacophony, taking his sanity with them and passing it around like a Quaffle. He closed his eyes and tried to block it all out until he gave up and let them consume him, sweeping down on his low defences and taking advantage, trying to subvert him to her will.

He was sitting still on the top step with his eyes closed and his wrists wresting on his knees, lost in his own world of self loathing and inbred deprecation when he was suddenly aware of another presence intruding on his dark mood.

"Sirius?" He jumped violently with the quiet sound that disturbed his reverie and he took a moment to slow his heartbeat, unused to being caught off guard and blinked in the inky darkness that the stairs fell into as they descended.

He vaguely heard the creak of the stairs as someone ascended and then felt the shake of the structure as the new presence approached his seat. The intruder came into view of his wand light and Sirius was not surprised to see the shiny blond head of one of his best friends bob up in front of it. He had vaguely recognised the voice as that of Remus Lupin, perhaps the only person who hated birthdays as much as he did, Remus having been Bitten on his birthday.

Remus paused on the second to last step and surveyed him for a moment, his hands on his hips and his lips pursed.

"You're sulking." He stated bluntly and sat down beside him.

"Am not." Sirius replied sulkily.

He didn't need the light to know that Remus had elegantly raised an eyebrow in quiet disbelief and he almost growled in annoyance. He so did not need superiority right now.

"So what if I am?" He changed his statement. "Aren't I allowed to? It's my birthday and I hate my birthday. I am going to sulk if I want to."

Sirius felt Remus shrug.

"Sure, if you really want to, you can sulk."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Or?" He prompted, irritated that Remus could leave the sentence so wide open and only continue if Sirius played the game.

"Or you can stop being a spoiled brat and have fun like everyone else." Remus finished.

Sirius almost choked.

"A spoiled brat?" He demanded, his voice peaking. "Me? How?"

"How?" Remus challenged. "You've been a wet blanket all day. Your fake smiles aren't fooling anyone, you know. Just because you hate your birthday doesn't mean you can just ignore everyone who has gone to some effort to help you forget that you do."

Sirius gaped at him with his mouth as wide open as a fish.

"Shut your mouth, Sirius." Remus chided lazily. "A ghost will fly in it."

Sirius closed his mouth with a snap and was momentarily confronted with the sickening image of having Peeves of even worse the Bloody Baron live inside him before he realised Remus had just insulted him and his right to be sullen.

"Excuse me!" He cried, correcting his posture. "If it is my birthday I should be able to do anything I want! And if I want to be sullen and a wet blanket, a sullen wet blanket I will be!"

Remus regarded him for a moment.

"You mean to tell me you actually _want_ to be sitting here in a depression reading over letters from home designed to hurt you, falling deeper and deeper into the trap your family is setting for you, rather than partying down with people who love you?" Remus shook his head. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sirius Black?"

"Nothing!" Sirius cried indignantly. "It's still me! I just don't want to put on an act today and pretend everything is okay, I think that's my right!"

"No, it isn't, Sirius!" Remus shot back, his eyes flashing. "This is self destruction and you know it! Making yourself feel pain is exactly what they want you to do and every single year you give in to them. When are you going to get over it? You keep saying you're not going to let them rule you, but what do you do? You read their letters, you let Regulus talk down to you and you cry yourself to sleep some nights." Remus noticed Sirius' sudden start of surprise. "Of course I know that, dolt." He said. "I am a werewolf, that sort of thing hardly escapes my attention."

"What about you, then?" Sirius whispered back fiercely. "You grow all depressed and moody _every freaking full moon_ and every _Christmas_ and every _birthday_ and every freaking special occasion there _is! _Isn't that hypocritical to sit there and tell _me_ not to be depressed?"

Remus' eyes flashed again.

"If you had bothered to notice, Sirius Black, those dates all fall on or near a full moon. _You_ try being a werewolf and see how happy _you_ can be when you can _feel_ another creature waking up inside you!"

He turned away from Sirius, breathing heavily with the force of his emotions before he turned back a moment later completely under control.

"That's a lie." Sirius told him. "Not all of those fall on a full moon. You just don't want to see that you are as much prone to fits of depression as I am!"

Remus stared at him a moment.

"Prove it." He challenged. "Name the last time I was moody when it wasn't a full moon."

Sirius didn't even have to think.

"Two days ago." He answered triumphantly. "Jamie boy and I were planning our next prank and singing to that Muggle recordamaphone thing -."

"Record player." Remus hissed and Sirius continued.

"Recordamaphone thing and suddenly you, who was lying on your bed staring at nothing, suddenly sat up and burst out that _if_ we were going to sing we had _better_ bloody learn the lyrics because if we didn't you would see to it we had them ingrained on our eyelids forevermore."

Remus studied him for a moment and then blushed a little, dropping his eyes.

"There was a reason for that." He muttered under his breath and then the fight and defensive posture suddenly leaked out of him. "Look, I didn't come here to argue about this." He said.

"Good, you can go away." Sirius replied, sinking back into his sullen mood, now that the argument was over.

"I'm not going anywhere." Remus countered. "Until I give you what I came to give you."

"You already gave me your present, it was _awesome_." Sirius responded, the adjective lacking any conviction whatsoever.

"Glad you like it." Remus replied dryly, rolling his eyes. "That wasn't my real present, though."

"What was it for, then?"

"That was so when people asked you what I had given you, you could say something that completely proved my predictability and character." Remus said promptly.

Sirius stared at him for a moment.

"Do you _really_ put that much thought into everything you do?"

Remus flushed again and muttered something under his breath that Sirius would have heard as "only when you're involved", if there hadn't been a sudden creak in the floorboards that forced Sirius to extinguish his wand _(nox)_ and Remus to strain his werewolf ears for any sound or signs of life. He breathed out noisily a moment later and nodded his head at Sirius.

"It's safe."

Sirius relit his wand and waited for the other boy to continue, now slightly curious as to what this present could be.

"Well?" He prompted, when Remus said nothing more and the tension and suspense was just too much.

Remus glanced at him.

"I don't know if you'll like it." He warned and Sirius rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Don't get cold feet on me now you've talked it up, Remus!" He exclaimed.

"I thought you didn't like birthdays and birthday presents." Remus said slyly as he pulled something from his robes.

"Don't start, Remus, please." Sirius said and his eyes instantly fell to the small piece of parchment enclosed in Remus' hand. "Is that it?" He asked, trying to keep the tone of disappointment from his voice.

He mustn't have succeeded because Remus smiled a little when he next spoke.

"Don't mock it until you've opened it." He chided and then handed the parchment over, placing it carefully into Sirius' waiting hands.

Sirius glanced at him curiously and then carefully unrolled the mystery parchment, commandeering Remus to hold the wand while he read it.

It possessed few words, and was very simply laid out on the page. There was an unadorned border marking the outline of the parchment, Sirius eyes gliding over it eagerly took in plain but well done drawings of a stag, a rat, a dog and a wolf situated in the corners. It was all drawn in black ink, with sketchy features but a very defined outline.

Sirius' eyes continued down the page to take in the elegant heading done in calligraphy "The Hogwarts Marauder Adoption Agency" he read aloud and glanced at Remus, who was watching his reaction intently. He raised his eyebrows.

"Moony, is there actually a reason to this?" He asked.

Remus said nothing but pointed insistently to the drawing and Sirius dropped his eyes back to the parchment in his hands.

"Messrs. Moony, Wormtail and Prongs hereby state their intention to formally adopt one Sirius Orion "Padfoot" Black as their family and sole heir to their respective fortunes."

Sirius' eyes swept the page again, taking in the black words written in a careful hand that was still distinctly familiar and identifiable as Remus' steady hand.

"I, James "Prongs" Potter, hereby swear that I take Sirius "Padfoot" Black as my brother, my kin and my friend until forever." He read, his hated eyes filling with tears as he read, in James' own hand, more emotion than he had ever experienced from his friend. "With all of the stupid pranks he does, he's going to need me." He laughed a little through the building tears. "-Git-." He said affectionately and then read on.

"So I promise that even when he's being an insufferable prat, he's still going to be my brother and I will be the family he never had. To Sirius, the one and only Prankster king. - Too right. -" He added and then tried to inconspicuously wipe at his eyes without Remus noticing.

"I, Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew, hereby swear that I take Sirius "Padfoot" Black as my brother, my kin and my friend forever. He will always be the only person who can make History of Magic fun and I will be with him forever - Merlin, Peter, want to get any more emotional? -" Sirius laughed and then gave up trying to hide his very un-manly tears. "Even though he might laugh at me and call me names, he is still the only person in the world who will ever beat me at chess and I will always remember him as the Great Chess Champion of Hogwarts."

Sirius risked a glance at Remus, who was staring down at the parchment with a fond look on his face, almost as though he was recalling the moment these declarations were penned. Remus gave him no reaction, however, and Sirius continued to read.

"I, Remus "Moony" Lupin, hereby swear that I take Sirius "Padfoot" Black as my friend, my liberator and whatever else he may so desire." Sirius glanced at Remus again. "Is that true, Remus?" He whispered.

"Just keep reading, Padfoot." Remus advised quietly and Sirius had no choice but to do as he was told.

"Since the very beginning Mr Black has been the most arrogant, egotistical and rash person I have ever known – really, Moony, I'm hurt – but he is also one of the most kind hearted, protective, intelligent and talented people I have ever known – well, at least the compliments outweigh the insults, that has to be good, right, Remus? – and this is why I adopt him as all I can give him. If he desires I will be his brother, his mentor or his friend, but I will be anything else he may so desire as well. I am always here, Sirius, as your family and your Liberator. To Sirius, the One and Only Heartbreaker of Hogwarts. – Moony, I don't know what to –."

"Keep going." Remus said immovably and Sirius had to look back down at the parchment and try to comprehend the remaining words when his mind was still back at "anything else he may so desire".

"As of this moment, Sirius Orion "Padfoot" Black is no longer a member of the family Black but is now a member of the family Marauder and shall stay that way until torn asunder by death."

And then there were four signatures down the bottom, each signed in permanent ink and magically sealed.

Sirius stared at these for some moments before he lost control of his actions altogether and flung himself at Remus who almost overbalanced and went cartwheeling down the stairs.

It was all too much for him, the emotion of finally believing he was free from his family forever and finally accepted with people who knew him, understood him and loved him in spite – or because – of it all.

He could no more control his reaction by then than he could grow wings and fly. So that was the reason why he threw himself at his best friend and kissed him desperately on the mouth, trying hard to convey everything he was feeling through the frantic pressure of his lips against Remus'. His breathing was heavy and heated, his lips working in time to Remus' – who wasn't pulling away – and his arms acting of their own according and pulling the other boy closer.

"Oh, Remus, thank you, thank you so much." He gasped when he broke away, knowing he sounded like an emotional female and hating himself for it and knowing that it didn't matter in the slightest.

"No problem, Padfoot." Remus laughed, still squashed underneath Sirius' bulk. "You should have known it all along, whether the parchment was there to prove it or not."

"Yeah, but I didn't." Sirius admitted and then dropped his eyes. "But um … what did you mean when you said you would be … whatever I desired."

Remus watched his eyes carefully and shrugged with difficulty.

"Exactly that." He said evasively. "If you want me to be your friend, I'll be your friend, if you want me to be your brother, I'll be your brother, if you want me to be your …" he trailed off, uncertain how far to go.

"What if I wanted you to be …" Sirius hesitated. "More than a friend? And more than a brother, in a different way."

"In what sort of a different way?" Remus asked guardedly.

"Like in a … romantic, sexual way?" Sirius asked, and winced, knowing there was no going back. There was no response from Remus for a moment and Sirius cracked his eyes open uncertainly.

"I'd say 'I hereby declare myself _yours_,' in _whatever_ way you wanted." Remus grinned, emphasising the word 'whatever'.

Sirius' uncertain expression broke into one of relief and happiness and he felt like he might explode.

"Really?" He demanded.

"Really, really." Remus laughed and Sirius claimed Remus' lips again to prove that he desired Remus in every single way that was possible and Remus kissed him back to prove that he agreed completely with the proposition to adopt Sirius, wholly and completely.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Yes, I am aware, pretty awful last line. I just couldn't come up with that usual pizzazz I tend to end with. Anyway, I'm not putting this one down because it's a BIRTHDAY PRESENT to my dearest friend HANNAH!

Everyone who reviews has to wish Hannah a very happy birthday, on penalty of … er … just under penalty. So here we go now, all together:

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday DEAR HANNAH, Happy Birthday to you!

Hip hip, Hooray!

Hip hip, Hooray!

Hip hip, Hooray!

Happy 20th Birthday, Hannah! Hope you enjoyed this one, I love you!

Love all of you!

Always,

LizzY :D

P.S. Oh, and to Albino Redneck – I couldn't find your e-mail to send the icon to you; if you stick it in your review for this one I'll get it to you asap! Thanks again!


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